Pimptastic
In my opinion, pimping is for loser attendings who get their rocks off trying to one-up others. You’ve got the attending with typically 20 to 25+ years of experience asking an intern or junior medical student some obscure question. Big deal.
Yeah, asshole, you do this every day. Quit trying to act like it’s “your OR” and stfu.
This gem was published in JAMA and is a partially-absurd commentary on pimping. Although meant to be comical, this is pretty close to what you can expect from the hardcore-type attendings. Those asshats need to retire anyway, but it’s unfortunate that they’re passing down their pimp methods to future attendings in training:
The Art of Pimping by Frederick L. Brancati, MD, Department of Medicine, University of Pittsburgh. From JAMA 262(1):89, July 7, 1989.
All About The Benjamins
Based on comments from my OB/GYN post, some people believe that I “wasted a spot” in medical school. Yeah, I’ve heard it before – even from some of my classmates. These are the gunners that I routinely piss off by surfing the Halo2 forums while they’re looking up the next article that they can bring in for the team.
Let’s break it down this way – it’s all about the money. I’m finishing school and getting my M.D. for the coin and perks. Plain and simple. As a matter of fact, I love the “so what are you going into” question that I get from residents and attendings whenever I start a new rotation. Most students cringe at this question, hoping that the overworked surgery resident that’s inquiring about your future isn’t going to get pissed and hold it against you if you tell them radiology. I used to tell them “business”, but they would get all smart-ass and probe deeper into my choice. “What kind of business?” “You went to medical school so you can work in business?” “Wow, I can’t believe you did this so you can work in business.” I now respond with something like: “well, I thought about [whatever rotation you're on at the time], but I’ve ultimately decided on utilizing my MBA along with my MD to see how much money I can make. In fact, I’ve already accepted a position with a very competitive salary.” That usually catches them off guard and they typically shut the fuck up about your insane choice to make the most money possible.
OB/GYN
My OB/GYN rotation sucked. Well, they all sucked, but that’s besides the point. Anyway, I got to stick my fingers into nasty coochies that were infested with STDs such as HIV, HSV, and countless others I don’t really care to mention at this point.
You see, the patients that I saw really didn’t give a shit. That is, they didn’t care about their hygiene and I honestly wondered if they had showered within the last 3 days. They were homeless, abused IV drugs, intoxicated by 9 am each day, and had sex for crack. They would also show up for their first prenatal care visit at 36 weeks gestation…lovely. “I want da best for ma baby” they would say. “I betta get da best care for ma baby”.
Do you have any vaginal discharge? Loss of fluid? Contractions? Is the baby moving? These were questions I had to ask, but I really didn’t care about this stuff. I had to ask this crap because that’s what they told me to do. This was the right way to do things. Be honest – would you really care to know about some nasty-ass discharge that some crack whore had for the last three weeks? I didn’t think so.
True story: I was in OB/GYN clinic on the first day of my rotation. This crack whore shows up who’s 37+ weeks pregnant with no prenatal care at all, and it turns out that she’s HIV and HepC + (wow, I’m shocked). There’s no telling what else she’s got…anyway, I’m supposed to go in and work her up, do the pelvic exam, etc. Upon questioning her and finding out that she’s:
1). intoxicated at approximately 9am
2). Hep C+
3). HIV+
4). Has a boyfriend in the exam room who’s also intoxicated at 9am
so I walk out of the exam room and tell the resident “I’m not doing the pelvic exam on this chick…sorry man, I just can’t do it.”
He says that’s cool and all, and I go on about my business. God, I can’t imagine people who actually want to go into OB/GYN.
Until next time,
Peace.
Pimp This, Bitch
The next time you ask me about your latest and greatest seemingly unknown medical fact that you spent 3 hours the night before researching, how about asking me about the suicide rates for physicians vs. the general public?
Medical School Hierarchy
Sifting way back into the history of medical training, I think there has always been a hierarchy in medical school that I like to call “the totem pole.” This medical school hierarchy is something that really pisses me off. It’s kind of like your average office/place of employment ranking system, except that you’re getting paid to be at your job and you have no reason to complain about it. I’m paying for this shit so I can bitch all I want.
So what exactly is the totem poll? It’s a method of how things work on the wards, and it goes like this (ranked from shit-eating lows to gimme-a-blowjob-because-I’m-God high):