My Evaluation to Surgery Chief Resident Number Two

I had two chief residents during my surgery rotation. I posted the evaluation I wrote to chief resident number one awhile back. I spent an equal amount of time with each. They were both evil in their own way; it was clear that God never intended me to go into surgery given the experience that I had. Anyway, here’s the evaluation that I submitted to chief resident number two. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

After being accustomed to wearing scrubs on rounds as I was taught to do from the previous chief resident, I was promptly scolded for doing what I had been doing on the service all along on Dr. XXX’s first day. As a matter of fact, it was the first words out of her mouth. Not “you shouldn’t wear scrubs on rounds” or “please don’t wear scrubs on rounds anymore. I realize it’s my first day on service and you didn’t know my preference.” In a harsh tone with head and hand motions to reinforce her point, it was “we wear real clothes to work.” Well, last time I checked scrubs were real clothes. Please, is it too much to ask for you to BE NICE?

Day after day, it was something with you. While being accused for not completing a task that I most certainly did, I was told to “do not argue while I am talking to you.” What the fuck? Am I your child?

“I feel the need to ask permission to go to the bathroom – like in third grade. I don’t like thanking people for granting me time for lunch. They like us both – student and patient – deferential and self-degrading. And I see it every day. –Dr. M Greggor”

It got to the point that I would not ask you anything. I didn’t care though, as it minimized my interaction time with you. I liked being ignored on this service. Ignorance was bliss.

Other students warned me about you. You are not liked. These are the same students that no doubt gave you shining evaluations because they are too afraid to speak their mind. Your fellow “colleagues” speak the truth of you, but they would never let that be known to your face. At first, I refused to listen but it only took a few days of being around you to realize that they were right.

What really sucks, though, is the fact that students are completely powerless to defend themselves while on service. You completely own us with your power to influence grades and you guys know it. In fact, I feel that attendings and residents exploit this fact in an attempt to exert even more control over us while on rotation. Intimidation, intimidation, intimidation. It’s all you know.

I breathe and remain silent

because my life is not my own

because I am not sure what is left of me

as I think this

I boil with hate

at the forces shackling me

at myself

and I’m just tired

and I feel deflated with pain.

Now that grades are posted I can speak my mind. You’ve just finished reading it.