Simple enough, here are 101 things you wish you knew before starting medical school.
- If I had known what it was going to be like, I would never have done it.
- You’ll study more than you ever have in your life.
- Only half of your class will be in the top 50%. You have a 50% chance of being in the top half of your class. Get used to it now.
- You don’t need to know anatomy before school starts. Or pathology. Or physiology.
- Third year rotations will suck the life out you.
- Several people from your class will have sex with each other. You might be one of the lucky participants.
- You may discover early on that medicine isn’t for you.
- You don’t have to be AOA or have impeccable board scores to match somewhere – only if you’re matching into radiology.
- Your social life may suffer some.
- Pelvic exams are teh suck.
- You won’t be a medical student on the surgery service. You’ll be the retractor bitch.
- Residents will probably ask you to retrieve some type of nourishment for them.
- Most of your time on rotations will be wasted. Thrown away. Down the drain.
- You’ll work with at least one attending physician who you’ll want to beat the shit out of.
- You’ll work with at least three residents who you’ll want to beat the shit out of.
- You’ll ask a stranger about the quality of their stools.
- You’ll ask post-op patients if they’ve farted within the last 24 hours.
- At some point during your stay, a stranger’s bodily fluids will most likely come into contact with your exposed skin.
- Somebody in your class will flunk out of medical school.
- You’ll work 14 days straight without a single day off. Probably multiple times.
- A student in your class will have sex with an attending or resident.
- After the first two years are over, your summer breaks will no longer exist. Enjoy them as much as you can.
- You’ll be sleep deprived.
- There will be times on certain rotations where you won’t be allowed to eat.
- You will be pimped.
- You’ll wake up one day and ask yourself is this really what you want out of life.
- You’ll party a lot during the first two years, but then that pretty much ends at the beginning of your junior year.
- You’ll probably change your specialty of choice at least 4 times.
- You’ll spend a good deal of your time playing social worker.
- You’ll learn that medical insurance reimbursement is a huge problem, particularly for primary care physicians.
- Nurses will treat you badly, simply because you are a medical student.
- There will be times when you’ll be ignored by your attending or resident.
- You will develop a thick skin. If you fail to do this, you’ll cry often.
- Public humiliation is very commonplace in medical training.
- Surgeons are assholes. Take my word for it now.
- OB/GYN residents are treated like shit, and that shit runs downhill. Be ready to pick it up and sleep with it.
- It’s always the medical student’s fault.
- Gunner is a derogatory word. It’s almost as bad as racial slurs.
- You’ll look forward to the weekend, not so you can relax and have a good time but so you can catch up on studying for the week.
- Your house might go uncleaned for two weeks during an intensive exam block.
- As a medical student on rotations, you don’t matter. In fact, you get in the way and impede productivity.
- There’s a fair chance that you will be physically struck by a nurse, resident, or attending physician. This may include slapped on the hand or kicked on the shin in order to instruct you to “move” or “get out of the way.”
- Any really bad procedures will be done by you. The residents don’t want to do them, and you’re the low man on the totem pole. This includes rectal examinations and digital disimpactions.
- You’ll be competing against the best of the best, the cream of the crop. This isn’t college where half of your classmates are idiots. Everybody in medical school is smart.
- Don’t think that you own the world because you just got accepted into medical school. That kind of attitude will humble you faster than anything else.
- If you’re in it for the money, there are much better, more efficient ways to make a living. Medicine is not one of them.
- Anatomy sucks. All of the bone names sound the same.
- If there is anything at all that you’d rather do in life, do not go into medicine.
- The competition doesn’t end after getting accepted to medical school. You’ll have to compete for class rank, awards, and residency. If you want to do a fellowship, you’ll have to compete for that too.
- You’ll never look at weekends the same again.
- VA hospitals suck. Most of them are old, but the medical records system is good.
- Your fourth year in medical school will be like a vacation compared to the first three years. It’s a good thing too, because you’ll need one.
- Somebody in your class will be known as the “highlighter whore.” Most often a female, she’ll carry around a backpack full of every highlighter color known to man. She’ll actually use them, too.
- Rumors surrounding members of your class will spread faster than they did in high school.
- You’ll meet a lot of cool people, many new friends, and maybe your husband or wife.
- No matter how bad your medical school experience was at times, you’ll still be able to think about the good times. Kind of like how I am doing right now.
- Your first class get-together will be the most memorable. Cherish those times.
- Long after medical school is over, you’ll still keep in contact with the friends you made. I do nearly every day.
- Gunners always sit in the front row. This rule never fails. However, not everyone who sits in the front row is a gunner.
- There will be one person in your class who’s the coolest, most laid back person you’ve ever met. This guy will sit in the back row and throw paper airplanes during class, and then blow up with 260+ Step I’s after second year. True story.
- At the beginning of first year, everyone will talk about how cool it’s going to be to help patients. At the end of third year, everybody will talk about how cool it’s going to be to make a lot of money.
- Students who start medical school wanting to do primary care end up in dermatology. Those students who start medical school wanting to do dermatology end up in family medicine.
- Telling local girls at the bar that you’re a medical student doesn’t mean shit. They’ve been hearing that for years. Be more unique.
- The money isn’t really that good in medicine. Not if you look at it in terms of hours worked.
- Don’t wear your white coat into the gas station, or any other business that has nothing to do with you wearing a white coat. You look like an ass, and people do make fun of you.
- Don’t round on patients that aren’t yours. If you round on another student’s patients, that will spread around your class like fire after a 10 year drought. Your team will think you’re an idiot too.
- If you are on a rotation with other students, don’t bring in journal articles to share with the team “on the fly” without letting the other students know. This makes you look like a gunner, and nobody likes a gunner. Do it once, and you might as well bring in a new topic daily. Rest assured that your fellow students will just to show you up.
- If you piss off your intern, he or she can make your life hell.
- If your intern pisses you off, you can make his or her life hell.
- Don’t try to work during medical school. Live life and enjoy the first two years.
- Not participating in tons of ECs doesn’t hurt your chances for residency. Forget the weekend free clinic and play some Frisbee golf instead.
- Don’t rent an apartment. If you can afford to, buy a small home instead. I saved $200 per month and had roughly $30,000 in equity by choosing to buy versus rent.
- Your family members will ask you for medical advice, even after your first week of first year.
- Many of your friends will go onto great jobs and fantastic lifestyles. You’ll be faced with 4 more years of debt and then at least 3 years of residency before you’ll see any real earning potential.
- Pick a specialty based around what you like to do.
- At least once during your 4 year stay, you’ll wonder if you should quit.
- It’s amazing how fast time flies on your days off. It’s equally amazing at how slow the days are on a rotation you hate.
- You’ll learn to be scared of asking for time off.
- No matter what specialty you want to do, somebody on an unrelated rotation will hold it against you.
- A great way to piss of attendings and residents are to tell them that you don’t plan to complete a residency.
- Many of your rotations will require you to be the “vitals bitch.” On surgery, you’ll be the “retractor bitch.”
- Sitting around in a group and talking about ethical issues involving patients is not fun.
- If an attending or resident treats you badly, call them out on it. You can get away with far more than you think.
- Going to class is generally a waste of time. Make your own schedule and enjoy the added free time.
- Find new ways to study. The methods you used in college may or may not work. If something doesn’t work, adapt.
- Hospitals smell bad.
- Subjective evaluations are just that – subjective. They aren’t your end all, be all so don’t dwell on a poor evaluation. The person giving it was probably an asshole, anyway.
- Some physicians will tell you it’s better than it really is. Take what you hear (both positive and negative) with a grain of salt.
- 90% of surgeons are assholes, and 63% of statistics are made up. The former falls in the lucky 37%.
- The best time of your entire medical school career is between the times when you first get your acceptance letter and when you start school.
- During the summer before medical school starts, do not attempt to study or read anything remotely related to medicine. Take this time to travel and do things for you.
- The residents and faculty in OB/GYN will be some of the most malignant personalities you’ve ever come into contact with.
- Vaginal deliveries are messy. So are c-sections. It’s just an all-around blood fest if you like that sort of thing.
- Despite what the faculty tell you, you don’t need all of the fancy equipment that they suggest for you to buy. All you need is a stethoscope. The other equipment they say you “need” is standard in all clinic and hospital exam rooms. If it’s not standard, your training hospital and clinics suck.
- If your school has a note taking service, it’s a good idea to pony up the cash for it. It saves time and gives you the option of not attending lecture.
- Medicine is better than being a janitor, but there were times when I envied the people cleaning the hospital trash cans.
- Avoid surgery like the plague.
- See above and then apply it to OB/GYN as well.
- The money is good in medicine, but it’s not all that great especially considering the amount of time that you’ll have to work.
- One time an HIV+ patient ripped out his IV and then “slung” his blood at the staff in the room. Go, go infectious disease.
- Read Med School Hell now, throughout medical school, and then after you’re done. Then come back and tell me how right I am.
#60– I’m not a med student. What are 260 Step 1′s and how does that guy blow up with them? They sound like middle school demerit points.
Thomas Ahern, a massage therapist, never did his residency and became an awesome massage therapist and teacher. I came to your site wanting to learn about med school, decided it wasn’t for me, and now I am finishing up an unrelated degree and going to his school next year. I don’t want to be a doctor, I want to heal people.
I hope you are a writer in your new life, Hoover. You certainly have the talent for it.
102. As a corollary to #92, you may very well experience the worst day of your existence on Earth during your OB/Gyn rotation.
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To get licensed in the United States, you must take a three-part exam called the USMLE. The first part is called Step I and comes at the end of 2nd year. For Step I, the national average is 215, with a standard deviation of 20. A score of 260 is really, really good (> 95th percentile).
I’m the most laid back guy I know… I used to walk into anatomy lab with a huge red spot on my forehead from sleeping through the lecture….. I think I should be guaranteed a 260 for my general laid back-ness
Haha TJD, nice one. Here’s hoping you pull it off.
=D
“Duly noted,” says exigence, the semi-anxious premedical student with an eye on following Uncle Panda into EM.
(If FM Dermatology, what is it for EM?)
My guess is that EM matches into EM, because anyone with their head on straight knows EM is full of bullshit, crackheads, idiots, alcoholics, etc. and that’s most of the allure to EM: the exotic and interesting patients that will make you think maybe you’re not so fucked up after all.
Plus the occasional trauma where you helped someone out who really did need to go to the ER is probably icing on the cake.
#64 = #99, but it’s most definitely true!
First of all, I only have ONE day of med school left! I’m so happy because i hate being a medical student. Today #41 of the list became especially true for me. I am in a radiology rotation which I hate not because of hard work, but quite the opposite – because of most attendings and residents ignoring medical students completely.
Two weeks ago I was surprised to find out that my badge doesn’t work for access into the residents’ room anymore. Today my fellow student told me that the reason was that residents complained about medical students being “too disruptive” when they came in and got out. I was totally disgusted! We paid our freaking tuition to be there and to learn, and now our mere presence is disruptive? It’s not like we were loud or obnoxious, for pete’s sake! And the administration is playing along! Oh well, just one more day of this crap.
Very nice Zuwie, grats on your last day of med school.
A great way to piss of attendings and residents are to tell them that you don’t plan to complete a residency.
Huh? If you don’t do a residency, then what? I thought it was the “next part” of medical school after the four years are up.
I started a company. You don’t have to continue in medicine if you’re unhappy.
Dermatology is the Holy Grail of residencies. Great hours (during reisdency and beyond), great money, uber competitive. Like the Grail of Arthurian legend, that only the most pure knight could hope to find, only the most pure of heart (and high of boards) medical students can hope to match into derm.
#90, oh boy, is that ever true. All the ego and relief of being accepted but before the soul-crushing grind of medical education.
Cobra,
My sis is in derm and is finally starting to make some real coin. Her hours are great, no call, is a nomal life to raise a family in .
IN the end it sure beats being post call and having a pager attached to your hip.
Hilarious, 100%
Just had to comment here too – so much of this is so true, and you wonder “was that just MY experience?” Nope, it sure wasn’t. At one point in time I thought I would love to be an Ob/Gyn. Then I decided not. Then I did the rotation and said “HELL NO.” You’re right – malignant personalities indeed. I couldn’t wait to get off of that rotation, and where I did mine it was eight weeks, not six. ACK!
I’m going into anesthesiology, by the way. I can handle surgeons, and this way I get to harass the heck out of them. Fun times!!!
Right on about OB/GYN.
“Dermatology is the Holy Grail of residencies. Great hours (during reisdency and beyond), great money, uber competitive.”
Derm’s better than most no doubt, but even it’s getting some unpleasantries. The lawsuit/malpractice rate is going up steeply there– drug rashes and melanoma as always, but I guess the lawyers have found all those cosmetic procedures to be perfect lawsuit fodder if something’a even slightly awry. The money really is going down, as it’s also been doing for ophtho. The only real way to make $$ in Derm is to focus on cosmetics, but then…
Residency’s much better than most, but then again, you *still* have to do a prelim year internship in e.g. IM somewhere else. And even though you don’t have traditional call, some Derm programs are trying to be a bit “harder core” with more inpatient services– there’s always a new drug rash in the ICU that they can call you on.
Plus, because of the continuing level of interest in Derm, you really can’t control your geography very well for your residency, a lot of it’s just word of mouth.
Residency’s a pain no matter where you do it, and it royally sucks than you’re so ridiculously underpaid while making such critical decisions on so many patients and working such crazy hours. I have heard of more people trying other options after medical school instead of residency.
Hoover, what kind of business did you start up? More power to you.
Wow, is it really this bad! I am in the middle of studying for boards and this sucks big time, I really don’t want it to suck worse than this! Hopefully my military residency will not be as grueling! good luck all.
DO DOC, your military residency won’t be as grueling, but you won’t get adequate training, either. Military medicine is dying. Take a look at the Mil Med forum on SDN.
does it matter the branch?? Because everyone that I have talked to about Army residency is that it is awesome training.. but that other services are shrinking their programs. I hope to go to Fort sam in TX.
Hmmm so you really don’t believe think the money is that good in medicine? I’ve been married to an entreprenuer for 27 years and it’s just in the last 12 years that he started bringing in 170k. Isn’t that the starting salary for the lowliest primary care??He’s always worked 60 hour weeks. In ANY career it takes 10-15 years to become a master in your field. Anything is competetive if you want to succeed. If you realistically look at the population and what people make Dr.s and CEOs fair pretty well. Honestly, how many people outside of medicine top 200k a year??
I’m sure those self made millionaires have paid their dues in spades also.
Leslie, I don’t think the money is that great in medicine considering the amount of time that is required for a) training and b) maintenance of your practice. Sure, the average doc makes considerably more than the median income in the U.S., but is it really worth it?
That’s something that each person will have to answer for themselves.
There are family docs and pediatricians that I’m sure are making something in the high $90k to low $100k range. $170k per year is higher than quite a few primary care salaries, especially starting salaries.
I think it’s more about doing what you love. If your husband absolutely loves his business, working 60 hour weeks is nothing. It’s playtime for him. If he doesn’t truly love it, then that’s a really long 60 hours. Along the same lines, 60 hour weeks in medicine seems like an eternity if you’re miserable.
saddo’s!
when u sayd gunners do u mean arsenal fans?
lol i must be clever if im a arsenal fan(gunner)
I really don’t want to hear another medical student, resident, or physician complain about the money. Lots of people work overtime. Lots of people work 2 jobs. Very few make 6 figures by the time they’re 30.
Dude your right on..like over 90% of the comments you made were dead on. Im goin into anesthesia…haha here comes the good life
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this is so freaking funny because its so true. everyone of these.
God, this is brilliant shit. I am currently bemoaning my choice…3rd year blows big floppy donkey dick.
Hi, I am a 1st year pharmacy student. I want to ask what is the fine line between school pride and tackiness. I’m thinking of getting a “School of Pharmacy” sweatshirt and/or mug. That isn’t tacky is it? What about a license plate or a hat? I’m asking this b/c I want to show that I have pride in my school but not brag about it.
Paul, Paul, Paul. Nobody outside of your school, and I really mean nobody, cares one whit about your hat, license plate, sweatshirt, or mug. So, you are really showing your pride to other people from your school. I’ve been a paramedic for 9 years (maybe Med School soon, but I don’t know for sure), and many an EMT student gets terribly harassed for wearing their various clothing related advertisements about their EMT-ness, and especially the bat-belt (utility belt with gloves, trauma shears, bandage scissors, pen light, radio holster, etc). Please think about who you’re trying to impress and why.
Gosh i hate medical school
last june, at the end of my ob-gyn rotation, i felt like every last bit of hope had been squeezed out of me- until i discovered pathology.
Glorious pathology!
No patients, just specimens. No Scut- just work. If there are no specimens, nobody works- you just hang out and read, or tell jokes!
Kind of like why we came to med school in the first place- because we’re nerdy kids who like to study and know stuff- because we had some role model who taught us to delay gratification.
After many years of this- i actually do like to read about medicine, and science.
I had fun the first two years- i studied a few hours every day, and then i got to hang out.
Once read on a post about pathology calling it “the medical student’s guitly pleasure”
AMEN
“Despite what the faculty tell you, you don’t need all of the fancy equipment that they suggest for you to buy. All you need is a stethoscope.”
Generally true. However, an opthalmoscope is helpful on inpatient neurology rotations and anyone planning on going into neurology should buy one during medical school.
We always had them in the patient rooms on inpatient neuro. In fact, I’ve never been on a rotation that didn’t have them in either inpatient rooms or the clinic exam room.
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My OB/GYN rotation was the worst 7 weeks of my life! So true!
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Hahahahaha! So true, so true… *Starts weeping*
Wow…I wish I read this before I started. I am a fourth year finishing up and every word you wrote is true.
#90 wants to make me cry…just because I am still on a surgery rotation that is sucking the life out of me, even tho I should be out enjoying after match.
And surgeons are assholes…I often wonder if the residency is self-selective for personality or surgery actually changes people. Whatever the reason, I am glad I didn’t go into it.
Thanks for a great list.
Well, in regards to picking up girls….I’ve already nailed a stupid bitch by bragging about me getting into med school. I’ll be sure to become a gunner and dominate.
^^
You may try.
#64 and #99 are the same. So this should only be a list of 100 things.
dude, you are a fucking retard. You have never been to med school as i see it. Get a life fag!
Well, lets see. Funny stuff. And true for the most part. What I can say is, I’m an intern and it sucks. Ive been a Janitor and it’s worse. In fact I’ve worked 80 hour weeks prior to medical school and it’s worse than being an intern. All jobs in medicine don’t suck. Most of them do. I started out wanting Orthopedic surgery, that changed real fast after my 100 hour weeks in electives. Now, I’m radiology, 40 hour weeks and 500000 $pay works for me. Or path, whatever.
YES, Fecal disimpaction does make a giant poopie mess, and 3 gowns doesn’t stop it from getting in. And you will smell someone elses crap on your fingers for 3 weeks.
Which is why I decided to deal with pretty pictures
Some comments for the other comments:
if you don’t go to residency you can make a mint as a pharm rep
There is a use for the extra tools. You will be a gunner if you bring them and have them on rounds. Also, if you know anything about electronics, you can make a high capacitance shock lance and give people wake up calls in the middle of the night
Howdy, high school senior thinking of premed here …
I Am So Fucking Scared Right Fucking Now.
hyperfreakingventilating even.
But goddamnit, thanks for the info. (both for the list and the great comments)!
Also, what is a gunner?
To all you doctors to be…. Please, please, please, learn to dictate so the transcriptionist can understand what you are saying. We poor folks are struggling to make a meager living by understanding what you have to say and transferring it to a document that makes sense to the reader. Please try to dictate knowing there is a human trying to earn a living trying to understand you. Thanks from all of us to all of you who try.
email to me or call me: +861355555812