I had two chief residents during my surgery rotation. I posted the evaluation I wrote to chief resident number one awhile back. I spent an equal amount of time with each. They were both evil in their own way; it was clear that God never intended me to go into surgery given the experience that I had. Anyway, here’s the evaluation that I submitted to chief resident number two. Names have been changed to protect the guilty.

After being accustomed to wearing scrubs on rounds as I was taught to do from the previous chief resident, I was promptly scolded for doing what I had been doing on the service all along on Dr. XXX’s first day. As a matter of fact, it was the first words out of her mouth. Not “you shouldn’t wear scrubs on rounds” or “please don’t wear scrubs on rounds anymore. I realize it’s my first day on service and you didn’t know my preference.” In a harsh tone with head and hand motions to reinforce her point, it was “we wear real clothes to work.” Well, last time I checked scrubs were real clothes. Please, is it too much to ask for you to BE NICE?

Day after day, it was something with you. While being accused for not completing a task that I most certainly did, I was told to “do not argue while I am talking to you.” What the fuck? Am I your child?

“I feel the need to ask permission to go to the bathroom - like in third grade. I don’t like thanking people for granting me time for lunch. They like us both - student and patient - deferential and self-degrading. And I see it every day. –Dr. M Greggor”

It got to the point that I would not ask you anything. I didn’t care though, as it minimized my interaction time with you. I liked being ignored on this service. Ignorance was bliss.

Other students warned me about you. You are not liked. These are the same students that no doubt gave you shining evaluations because they are too afraid to speak their mind. Your fellow “colleagues” speak the truth of you, but they would never let that be known to your face. At first, I refused to listen but it only took a few days of being around you to realize that they were right.

What really sucks, though, is the fact that students are completely powerless to defend themselves while on service. You completely own us with your power to influence grades and you guys know it. In fact, I feel that attendings and residents exploit this fact in an attempt to exert even more control over us while on rotation. Intimidation, intimidation, intimidation. It’s all you know.

I breathe and remain silent

because my life is not my own

because I am not sure what is left of me

as I think this

I boil with hate

at the forces shackling me

at myself

and I’m just tired

and I feel deflated with pain.

Now that grades are posted I can speak my mind. You’ve just finished reading it.

Popularity: 5% [?]

I’ve always felt strongly that unhappy people at work are unhappy people overall. This is especially true when dealing with medical specialties that essentially take up your entire life. Here are four reasons why I think surgeons are pissed off.

1. They Hear It From Significant Others

Have you ever had a bad habit that you’d like to break? Doesn’t it make you angry when others ask you about it (CAGE anyone?)? I think the same principles apply here. Surgeons, or just people in general who work all of the time have no family time. Their husbands or wives eventually get sick of it.

A perfect example is the Chief of Surgery on Gray’s Anatomy. He wants to retire, and then does so to go back to his wife. But, it’s too late. His wife has been sick of his life for too long, and there’s another man in the house.

The bitching and complaining from significant others are the early stages of what could end in disaster. Heed the warnings, and don’t end up like Dr. Webber.

2. They Have No Personal Time

Everybody needs time to themselves. Whether it be for simply relaxing or engaging in a hobby, this is a must for keeping yourself sane. Go years without any “me” time, and you can probably understand why some people are so bitter.

Make it a point to go out one day per week and do something that you really love. It will take some of the stress away.

3. They Miss Important Family Events

I’m not talking about the weekend barbecue or the missed family reunions. I’m talking about real stuff that you’re supposed to be around for.

While on my vascular surgery rotation, I overheard a phone call from my attending on rounds. He was on the phone with his wife, who was pregnant with their first child. She had an appointment for an ultrasound, and he was supposed to be there. Obviously, he wasn’t there as rounds were still taking place.

Later he joked to his colleagues that it was “just an ultrasound” and that “she’ll get over it.”

Deep down I think he wanted to be there, and because of his job he couldn’t. That’s enough to piss anybody off, I think.

4. They Make Good Money, But Can’t Spend It

Surgeons get paid well. Very well. It’s unfortunate that they pretty much hand over their paychecks. I think direct deposit was invented to cater to surgeons, who very rarely have time to actually go to the bank.

Wouldn’t it be nice to take some of that money and enjoy it sometime? Go on a 2 week family vacation, or buy a modest boat and take the family to the lake once in a blue moon? They’d love to do it, but simply can’t.

All Work And No Play

Not only do they have to deal with their own personal feelings, but a surgeon’s lifestyle has a significant impact on people in their lives that really matter.

In order to cope, they take out their feelings on residents, students, and hospital staff. I understand that they have to deal with things, but there are better ways to go about accomplishing that goal.

Popularity: 12% [?]

You’re pissed off at an attending surgeon in the OR. Which, frankly, could be all the time. To heck with a potential illustrious career in medicine, time to get even! Some possibilities*:

• Secretly deglove and hand the surgeon a retractor with your bare hand. Mention that your hands were uncomfortable since they don’t stock an 8.375 glove size.
• Walk into the OR while eating a piece of fried chicken. You had no breakfast, and it’s lunchtime, so you have a right to eat. Be firm.
• Remove your facemask and accidently sneeze/cough/spit on the surgeon’s hands right after he gloves.
• Unplug the bovie machine when the surgeon least expects it. Laugh and tell him to lighten up…you’re just foolin’.
• Descrub during an important part of an afternoon surgery, and tell the surgeon you just remembered your dog needs his midday doggie treat.
• While the surgeon is putting on scrubs, remove your gloves and try to touch everything that is sterile.
• During the surgery, push on the instrument table lever so it falls. The louder, the better. Chuckle as the scrub tech tries to reassemble everything that’s still sterile.

*This is satire, for all of you easily offended people. Keeping a patient† sterile and safe during surgery is of the utmost importance.

†Unless it was a patient who was also a surgeon‡.

‡Just kidding.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Though I have never met Hoover’s dickwad surgery attending, I’m sure most of us 3rd year and up medical students have met similarly evil carbon copies during our God-forsaken surgery rotations.

If I could contribute to his “Attending Letter” that followed him to all jobs, here’s what his eval might say:

Showed callous disregard and zero interest for the feelings, egos, and opinions of students and residents. His fund of knowledge was non-rudimentary, but any shred of human decency in all regards was rudimentary at best. Zero improvement over 12 weeks. His participation was usually God-like, insofar as he thought he was the Almighty Himself. His ego preceded him wherever he went. Furthermore, his communication with his chief resident was piss poor since he claimed that excused absences were unexcused. This clearly demonstrates lack of organizational skills. Overall, if I had as little humanity as he did, I would fail him. Because I can rise above the type of–to put it kindly–heartless dipshit that he is, he gets a D-. Remediation is indicated. It shall include canings, whippings, floggings, spankings, and hot-iron brandings with the phrase ‘LOOK AT ME, I’M A SURGERY BITCH‘ all over his body.

Perhaps there would be no power to enforce remediation, but one can certainly dream. Sigh.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Here’s a copy and paste (with the name changed) of the evaluation that I received on my surgery clerkship. You can tell that this guy absolutely loved my performance.

Hoover showed no interest in this surgical rotation. His fund of knowledge was rudimentary and did not significantly improve. He attended the outpatient clinic and the OR for the most part, but his participation was peripheral in all aspects. He was late to rounds frequently, generally unprepared and had a 2 day unexcused absence.

LOL. That two day unexcused absence was the best two days of the rotation. And for the record, I got permission from the chief resident for the absense. Thanks for the good times, asshole.

Popularity: 5% [?]